What I Live For

The idea for this post just came to me. I'm laying in bed listening to Madi breathe as she's sleeping. I vividly remember doing the exact same thing almost two years ago. The first few weeks of Madi's life were the happiest of my life. She was absolutely perfect. But I won't lie, I was also terrified. Having a baby is truly like having your heart exist outside of your body. Suddenly my mind was consumed with thoughts of only her and her well-being. She was my soul. I wanted her to be happy, taken care of, etc. Those were all things I could control. But the things I couldn't control were the ones that scared me. I never wanted her to be hurt, or experience failure, or ever be discouraged. Looking down at her sweet face, to know that one day she might for some reason feel lonely absolutely broke my heart.

I still have those worries. I want her to make friends at daycare, be liked, etc. I guess that never changes, even when they're 40 years old with kids of their own. I truly do miss the days of her infancy. But I fall more and more in love with her every day. I got home from school today and she came up to me and sat in my lap. She looked up at me with her twinkly little eyes and said, "Mommy, I missed you." Those are the moments I live for. SHE is what I live for.